How to Use Psychology to Communicate Better and Avoid Conflict - Part 1: Ego states and transactions

How to Use Psychology to Communicate Better and Avoid Conflict - Part 1: Ego states and transactions

We’ve all experienced communication breakdowns.

You know the feeling. One minute you’re having a normal conversation with someone, and the next you’re fighting or one of you has shut down.

In both cases, there’s a breakdown. The conversation has failed to achieve its goal, whether it’s being heard, solving a problem, feeling connected, making a decision, etc.

This happens all the time. It takes seconds for a conversation to shift from a positive, connection-driven interaction into a negative one.

And negative interactions take a toll on our relationships. Studies show that we need 5 positive interactions to make up for every negative interaction we have with someone close to us.

So why does this happen?

According to Transactional Analysis, communication breakdowns happen because we’re not fully present in our conversations.

Instead of reacting to the here and now, we’re communicating from different ‘ego states’. And when these ego states are crossed, conflict happens.

This article will teach you how to use Transactional Analysis to have better, more constructive conversations (and interactions, in general) with the people closest to you.

To read the original article (with images), click here: https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-to-communicate-better-with-transactional-analysis-d0d32f9d50da

Read More

Part 2: How To Be An Adult -Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development

Part 2: How To Be An Adult -Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development

In Part 1 I introduced a new way of viewing adulthood, based on Dr. Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development.

According to Kegan, becoming an adult isn’t only about gaining new skills, status or money.

It’s about becoming someone who doesn’t need others to tell them what to do, is self-directed, can navigate across seemingly competing ideas and perspectives without subsuming their own and can develop authentic, mature relations with others.

It means operating at Kegan’s higher stages of development: Stage 4 — Self Authoring and Stage 5 — Self Transforming. If you didn’t read Part 1, I suggest you do now (it provides a general overview of Kegan’s theory).

In Part 2, I focus on how to transition to Stage 4. Part 3 will focus on transitioning from Stage 4 to Stage 5.

Read More

Part 1: How To Be An Adult— Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development

Part 1: How To Be An Adult— Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development

Ever wondered what it means to be an adult?

I’m not talking about buying guest towels or renters insurance. I’m talking about how we ought to be developing in adulthood. How should we beperceiving and engaging with the world? Or handling conflict and interacting with the people around us?

With children it’s easy. Children have distinct developmental stages and rituals (terrible twos, bar mitzvah, sweet sixteen), so we pretty much know what to expect when they grow older.

But what about adults? For most of us, adulthood just happens. We don’t have a framework for adult development that can help us understand where we are and where we want to be.

This is where Dr. Robert Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development comes in.

Read More

Want to Stand Out and Advance Your Career? Master Deliberate Practice.

Want to Stand Out and Advance Your Career? Master Deliberate Practice.

One thing that world-class performers have in common is that they know how to practice.

Rather than simply practicing the things they’re good at — they focus on the things that are hard. They especially focus on the things that are hard.

This is called deliberate practice and it’s a series of techniques used to improve performance and learn efficiently and purposefully.

Coined by K. Anders Ericsson, It’s the concept that in order to be an expert, you need to practice like an expert.

Read More

How Do We Grow? By Reaching Beyond Ourselves: Five steps to apply deliberate practice to personal growth

How Do We Grow? By Reaching Beyond Ourselves: Five steps to apply deliberate practice to personal growth

I’ve been thinking a lot about how and when we grow.

When was the last time I felt myself grow?

It’s easy to say that it was when I was traveling, or in college, or even when I first moved to Israel.

But what about recently?

Even more importantly, how can I experience more moments of growth in my day to day? Where do these moments of growth come from?

This post is about those moments of real growth.

It’s about how real growth only happens when we ‘reach beyond ourselves’ and how every interaction with another person is an opportunity to do just that. I also explore how to apply deliberate practice to cultivate more moments of growth.

Read More